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Feedback Champ This week's trek is inspired by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen's research on how to receive feedback well even when it's not so pretty. Did you cringe a little just now? I know I do when I hear those words. Because when someone says they need to talk it often means criticism is coming. We all know that compliments don’t require a calendar invite and a proper sit down to discuss. Feedback conversations are tricky because they’re another version of the talk. The “your teacher called” talk or the “where is this relationship going” talk. They feel thorny as an adult because you can’t respond to them the same way you did as a child and still expect people to love you. You can’t whine or yell or blame it on your friend Sarah. You have to listen and, if needed, defend your case in a calm and rational fashion. And that's hard to do, especially when it feels personal. Learning to take feedback like a champ is worth it, though. As Stone and Hess argue, "feedback makes our relationships richer, our self-esteem more secure, and of course, we learn" more about ourselves. Introducing Your Feedback Champ Exercise What It Is A 30-minute exercise to help you get better at receiving feedback. Why We Love It  There are lots of tips out there on how to give feedback, but not always as much guidance on how to take it like a champ. This exercise offers up a straightforward way to approach receiving feedback, so you can learn more about yourself and make the changes you need to grow. #adulting How It Works 1. Be Proactive: Ask a friend, partner, or coworker to give you feedback based on the following: What is something I've done recently that went well and something I can improve on? 2. Record + Play it Back: During the feedback session, write out the feedback you're given. This will help you take note of what’s actually being said as opposed to letting your bias run amok. Then, take a few minutes to go over your notes and verbally play back a summary of what was said. The goal here is to make sure you understand what the person is trying to say, not to find fault with their feedback. 3. Note Your Triggers: As you summarize and discuss, take note of what might be triggering your emotions and try asking open ended questions to get more clarity. Here are common triggers and suggested responses. Not Actionable: Feeling like the feedback isn't something you can act on. Ask for more specifics by saying something like, “It sounds like I’m not doing X. What’s one thing I can do starting tomorrow that would be a step in the right direction?”  Not Applicable: Feeling like the feedback isn't accurate or helpful. Ask for more context by saying something like, “Could you give me another example of where I might be doing this?” Keep in mind that some feedback is simply not correct and that people can get the wrong impression of you. It's also possible that you can't see what they're saying (hello, blind spot!) and so you assume it isn't true. In this instance, try to look for a small shred of truth. Could what they're saying be true in some instances? If so, what might those be? Not Qualified: Thinking the person giving it isn't qualified to do so. Remember that you asked this person for feedback so you put them in a position to feel qualified. You don’t have to take every piece of advice they give, especially if you feel they aren’t well positioned to focus on certain things. Instead, focus the conversation on feedback areas you feel they're equipped to discuss. Under Attack: Feeling like your identity is under attack. Remind yourself that you asked this person for feedback because you trust them. While what they are saying might be uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean they are fundamentally questioning who you are. Try responding with something like, “This feels personal because of X. I know you are trying to help me, but I am having a hard time hearing you because it feels so personal.” 4. Give Your POV: Once understanding is reached, take a few minutes to provide your perspective. If you have a different version of the facts, present them. The goal here is to make sure the feedback giver understands where you are coming from in case you are both bringing different POVs to the table. 5. Agree on the Change: The final step is about getting very clear on how your behavior needs to change. Ask for examples of what good would look like and talk through how you might need support in making that change. If there’s something they brought up that you don’t feel you need to change, it’s ok to say that you still aren't clear and would like to give it time and revisit. 6. Decompress: Give yourself a few minutes after the feedback meeting to decompress. Go for a walk, listen to your favorite song, write out your feelings, or call a friend. It’s natural after these conversations to have a range of thoughts and emotions swirling in your mind. Give yourself space to process before moving on to the next thing. Want to dig deeper? Feedback is meaty topic that goes beyond this specific trek. Hit us up at treks@lifetrekkers.me with burning questions and comments. In the meantime, here are some goodies for the gunners: For a deep dive on how to get better at taking feedback, read this from FastCo. For tips on how to get better at giving and receiving feedback, check this out from Inc. For an entire book on how to take feedback like a champ, check this out from two of my fav interpersonal dynamics gurus. Best of 2018: We want to hear from you! Since we're talking about feedback, we want to hear from you for a Best of 2018 Feature in November. Hit us up at treks@lifetrekkers.me to tell us which treks you've loved and which you've loathed and why. Check out the archive here. Tweet Tweet Email Us Learn More Copyright © 2018 LifeTrekkers, All rights reserved. Want more information? Drop us a line at info@lifetrekkers.me. Want to change how you receive these emails? You can unsubscribe from this list.

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Covert Culture This week's trek is inspired by Dr. Kim Cameron's research on how to build strong organizational cultures. Is there a secret culture at your company that people don't openly talk about? Every company has a formal culture that is celebrated through things like a shared mission, vision, and values. At the same time most organizations also have an informal culture - a set of more covert norms that represent other ways that things get done. As a leader, it's important to take note of the informal aspects of your company's culture and consider how those norms might have an impact on the working dynamics of your team. Introducing Your Covert Culture Corrector Exercise What It Is A 20-minute exercise to help you identify the unspoken rules of your company's culture and determine their contribution to the overall health of your team. Why We Love It  Knowing the ins and outs of your covert culture is important to maintaining a healthy team dynamic. This exercise gives you a quick way to identify the unspoken rules that govern how your team operates and determine what you can do to change those that might be undermining your team's success.  How It Works 1. Make a list of the unspoken cultural norms that govern how things are done at your company. Consider things like having to get airtime in meetings, needing to align with cliques in order to gain influence, and having to act a certain way to get promoted. 2. Review each norm and write out all the reasons why it is critical to the overall success of your team. For example does focusing on airtime in meetings ensure that more junior people get visibility with senior leadership? 3. Now, look at each rule again and write out all the reasons it might detrimental to the success of your team. For example, does focusing on airtime in meetings mean that preferential treatment is given to those with the loudest voices or that meetings tend to drag on? 4. Take a few minutes to review #3 above. Consider which of these items you have the power to change within your specific team. For those items, determine what you, as a leader, can do to counteract the negative effects of those norms on your team. For example if favoring airtime in meetings is starting to make every meeting drag on, set a new rule that gives speakers no more than two minutes to make their point or ask your team to email feedback before the meeting instead of providing it during. Want to dig deeper into this topic? To learn more from Cameron about about how a positive work culture can boost productivity, read this from HBR. For a list of the common unspoken rules that govern company culture, check this out from Business Insider. For some of the common rules that can really breed a toxic work culture, read this from Inc. Have a favorite trek?  Hit us up at treks@lifetrekkers.me and tell us which one you liked and what you learned! Here's what your fellow trekkers have to say about past treks: "Listen Up was one of my favorite treks. It helped me rethink how I engage in conversations and understand what it really takes to actively listen." - Shankar Desai, Group Manager @ Google Tweet Tweet Email Us Learn More Copyright © 2018 LifeTrekkers, All rights reserved. Want more information? Drop us a line at info@lifetrekkers.me. Want to change how you receive these emails? You can unsubscribe from this list.

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Bully Buster This week's trek is inspired by the research of entrepreneur and behavior change expert, Christine Comaford.  Have you ever found yourself acting a little too much like Miranda Priestly at work? Perhaps you crack a joke and realize that it's gone a little too far. Or maybe you make a negative comment about a coworker behind his back. According to Comaford bullying behaviors in the workplace often stem from a desire to feel a greater sense of "safety, belonging, and mattering." The issue, though, is that bullies try to achieve these things in a way that is both inappropriate and damaging to themselves and those around them. Introducing Your Bully Buster Exercise What It Is A 30-minute exercise to help you identify any bullying behaviors you might be bringing into the workplace and determine how you can find a different course of action. Why We Love It  While it is easy to see bullying behaviors in others, we rarely take a moment to step back and see how we might be acting in a similar manner on our own teams. This exercise gives you an opportunity to identify the different ways you might be participating in a culture of bullying at work.  How It Works 1. Take 10 minutes to review the different types of workplace bullies courtesy of FastCo: - Name Caller: This type of bully likes to call people names and insult them in subtle ways. This person might "embarrass and humiliate in front of others" and might do so from an authoritative position. - Cutthroat: This individual is competitive and will do damaging things to "come out on top." They believe their "opponent has to lose" and they'll do whatever it takes to undermine that person in some way. - Intimidator: This individual doesn't want to deal with problems. Instead, they'll try to intimidate those that come forward with issues into staying silent, so the problems themselves don't have to be addressed.  - Charmer: "This bully is charming to those they seek to take advantage of or who offer opportunity to them" but rude to those that appear to be useless. - The Gossip: This person "tells stories and defames you behind your back." They damage other people's reputation to try to make themselves look better. 2. Ask yourself if you have ever exhibited any of the behaviors mentioned in #1 above. If none of these are relevant to you, consider your team's dynamic and whether you are allowing any specific individuals to display the above-mentioned behaviors.  3. Now, for the items you identified in #2, take a few minutes to remember what happened. What specifically did you/your team member say or do? What were you/your team member hoping to achieve with your/their actions? What were you feeling at the time? Keep in mind that we often engage in these types of behaviors when we don't feel safe or we believe that we don't matter or fit in. Ask yourself if any of those underlying emotions might have been at play for you or people on your team. 4. Now, consider why the actions you/your team member took might not have been the most effective. What could have been done differently to arrive at a better solution? How might you address the underlying feelings you are having in a healthier way? Going forward, what are the triggers that make you behave like a bully and how might you respond to them differently? Want to dig deeper into this topic? To learn more about the five common types of bullies that show up in organizations, read this from FastCo. To learn more about how bullying can take a toll on your team, read this from Forbes. For a deeper dive into some of the ways you might be exhibiting bullying behaviors at work without knowing it, give this checklist a go. Have a favorite trek?  Hit us up at treks@lifetrekkers.me and tell us which one you liked and what you learned! Here's what your fellow trekkers have to say about past treks: "The Tutu trek was one of my favorites. Bob Carey's story was really inspiring and the exercise motivated me to reflect on a number of things that I feel vulnerable about in life and the work place." - Alex Farivar, Product Manager @ Google Tweet Tweet Email Us Learn More Copyright © 2018 LifeTrekkers, All rights reserved. Want more information? Drop us a line at info@lifetrekkers.me. Want to change how you receive these emails? You can unsubscribe from this list.